


The Crow on the Cradle

by Ten_thousand_miles



Category: 18th Century CE RPF, American Revolution RPF, Turn (TV 2014)
Genre: Alternate History, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fix it history, Lots of gender dysphoria, Mostly revolving around Benjamin Tallmadge and the turning of Benedict Arnold, Multi, NaNoWriMo, NaNoWriMo2019, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Trans Male Character, Trans Male Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-27
Updated: 2020-04-06
Packaged: 2021-02-26 20:47:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 20,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21585112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ten_thousand_miles/pseuds/Ten_thousand_miles
Summary: An Alternate History where Tallmadge is forced out of the army because of Benedict Arnold's actions, and he joins the army again with a child and uses his personal vendetta against Arnold to capture the turncoat and save John André.
Relationships: (Past) Benjamin Tallmadge/Nathan Hale, Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens, Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens/Benjamin Tallmadge, Benedict Arnold/Benjamin Tallmadge, Benedict Arnold/Peggy Shippen, John André/Peggy Shippen
Comments: 31
Kudos: 28





	1. An Unfortunate Morn

Mornings had always been Benjamin's things- he'd woken up to pray every morning, sometimes he'd run, or he'd get his work done by waking up earlier to avoid anyone seeing any confidential information. Though recently his mornings were spent in the arms of a man he'd grown close to- a man named Benedict Arnold. It pained Ben to watch the other suffer through the healing of his wounded leg alone, and Ben, wishing to help, ended up falling for the man in the process- luckily it was returned even before Benjamin even talked to the other of his situation. 

Now a year has passed and Benjamin feels more comfortable, though still struggling to ever be truly bare or when that dreaded time of the month comes around Arnold will help him. The other will make him teas to soothe his aches and give him gentle massages when he was well enough for it. 

It's the morning of October twenty-second, and Benjamin always wakes up first. Happy to wake up to be held closely by the other- it was warm and he really didn't wish to get up, but something felt off. He gave the other a kiss on the head as he wiggled out of his bed, grabbing his stay to put on while the other wasn't looking. He took off his nightshirt, put on a workshirt, and put the stay on, lacing it up tight enough for him to be flat-chested when he put the rest of his uniform on... but for the past few weeks, it hasn’t been fitting right at all. Though before he could put his breeches on he felt as if he'd throw up, an unusual feeling for this time of day. He rushed over to an unused chamber pot and threw up everything he'd eaten on the last day, tears streaming down his face. He felt bloated and disgusting, wiping his face off with a rag, and falling back onto the floor. It took him a few minutes to get up, throwing on his waistcoat and breeches to look semi-decent as he tried to work, chugging half of his canteen before decided that crawling back into bed was his safest bet. 

Benjamin had never awoken in such a horrid fashion before. His body felt as if it was trying to purge himself of something seeing as he vomited everything he has had in the past few days. It wasn’t the first day of the weird feeling in his abdomen, the pain and the abnormal stretching feeling started about a week ago. He’d thought it was the cramping that came with his abhorred cycle but that was two weeks from when it should start. Besides, it felt… different. He felt as if he'd stuffed himself to the brim with rice and other starchy foods that expand in your stomach- yet nothing was in his stomach currently. 

Within a few minutes, Arnold had woken up, rubbing his eyes as he pushed himself back to sit up. First, he saw Benjamin was still in bed- not normal- then he noticed the smell of vomit and gagged himself, what the hell had happened? He looked down, pushing the hair out of the other's face and checking his pulse. "Benjamin… Are you feeling alright?" Benedict tried remaining calm, though he was obviously worried. In the time he had spent with Benjamin he frequently came down with various things usually due to overworking, but Benjamin had been doing well as of late and this was a sudden change. 

It took Benjamin a few moments to make fully coherent sentences, but each time he tried it just came out in sobs and mumbles. He didn't know what was going on other than that he hurt and felt complete and utter shit. "It hurts… it hurts here-" he points to his throat, "-here-" he points to his stomach, "- and here-" he points to his lower abdomen. "Nothing feels right and I still have a morning meeting with Washington," he sighed, a few tears streaming down his face.

"Stay then, I'll go tell Washington you need to rest," Benedict hummed, smoothing out the other's curls. "He can't expect you to always be well."

"But what will he say when a Major General is telling him of a Major's health? That would be suspicious, let alone the fact you've just barely been able to walk on your own now. I don't wish to go but I must- I don’t wish to trouble you more than necessary, " Benjamin coughed, sitting up to drink more water. “Hopefully the meeting will be short, I have to train with my unit this morning as well.” 

If any word was to describe Benjamin it would be stubborn. Even though he knew he should stay in bed and let the other take care of him he couldn’t- he didn’t wish to be reprimanded by Washington at all, and if he didn’t show up he feared that would be his fate. He wiped his mouth again and gave the other a kiss, crawling out of bed again with a heavy sigh. 

“You never quit, do you?” Arnold asked, grabbing Benjamin’s arm before he fully got out of bed, “you and your friend Hamilton never stop moving. If you get told you need to rest by Washington and you don’t, I swear I will find a way to drag you to bed.” 

Ben let out a little chuckle, kissing Benedict's hand in the hopes of Benedict letting him go. He didn't mind, per se, he didn't want to go do anything today anyway but he needed to get ready. "I don't mind, but I've gotta go or I'll be late," he sighed, thankfully being let go. Ben grabbed his saber belt, slipping the leather through the buckle, putting the prong in the very last hole, and put on his coat, cloak 

"Take my canteen with you, you need all the water you can get. And make sure to get some bread from the cook before you start training, you don’t wish to pass out and fall off your mare.” Arnold called out before Benjamin left the room, hoping the (stubborn) younger man would actually listen for once.

“Alright, Alright, I’ll try,” he sighed, a fake pout coming upon his lips before he waved the other off with an ‘I love you’ as well. 

-

It was a short trip to Washington’s headquarters from the cabin Arnold was sleeping in, yet his brain made it feel like he was traveling all the way back to Brookhaven just to get to headquarters. As he walked along the path he closed the cloak around himself, coughing a few times into his elbow because his throat was still sore from the bile and chicken and rice from last night. With every other step, he wondered what the hell was wrong with him and wondering what kind of sickness this is. A stomach virus? An abnormal cold or influenza? Maybe it was something native to the area? Whatever the hell it is it’s not enjoyable and he wants it gone. He almost throws up again on his way to headquarters and felt as if the world was spinning and had to death grip onto his cloak to think he wouldn’t fall. By the time he made it up to Headquarters, he thought it would be the death of him to keep walking, now falling against the door before opening it. 

The inside of the house was warm and smelled heavily of ink and parchment, and a little hint of apple- wait? Where was that even coming from? He couldn’t normally was noseblind to the odors but it smelled too fragrant and he almost threw up again- it had only been an hour since he woke up and he’s not doing so hot. Before he could even knock on the door to Washington’s office door is opened in front of him, a familiar face smiling at him. 

“‘Morning Tallmadge- you’re late,” the man hummed, a smirk on his face, “that General of yours keeping you even later in the mornings now?”

“He tried, trust me, though I should probably be back in the cabin because I feel as if I’ve caught something and it won’t bother to leave,” Benjamin sighed, walking into the room and sitting down in front of Washington’s desk, then looked to the other ad began speaking in a hushed tone, “McHenry- I’ve been throwing up, I’ve got the oddest feeling in my abdomen that feels as if I’ve overstuffed myself on rice and bread, I haven’t been able to fit into my stays without feeling as if my chest is going to explode and everything smells too strong.”

To McHenry, a trained physician, this didn’t sound too much like a sickness... well, it could be if you think about it pessimistically- which in Benjamin’s case, you could be pessimistic for him. “Oh?” he hummed, trying to find a way to work his thoughts.

That wasn’t a good sign at all- it didn’t comfort or soothe Benjamin at all- the last thing you wish to hear when sick is ‘Oh?’. “Oh? What do you mean by ‘oh?’? It's probably just a local sickness, but I'm feeling far worse than the times I had the measles.” he stated, a hint of panic in his tone. 

“I... If you mean local as in native to yourself, I believe you may be correct." McHenry sighed, looking down at the ground to avoid having to further the conversation.

“James, you must know something! Benedict and I can’t seem to figure it out and if I don’t get well soon I fear the man will have me take leave and I don’t wish to do that at all.” 

James had no clue how to calmly explain this situation. It would be easy and painless if his colleague's situation was different, but this is far worse trouble than what he expected Benjamin would get into. “I don't want to scare you… But if this is what I think it may be, for your safety, we need to get you out of camp in December. ” 

The Major is surely getting worried now. “What? Scaring me? I’m not afraid of some illness, I just need to know what it is to cure it!” 

In the most ominous way possible, James decides to use vague terms to explain himself. "What you’ve got at the moment? This will pass in three months’ time. But the rest? It will stick with you for the rest of your life.”

Benjamin was thoroughly confused. That's not uncommon for him, but in his already weary state, the cryptic oration wasn't helping. "Speak plain, dear McHenry, I haven't a clue to what you mean."

"I don't wish to be the bearer of bad news, but I think the two final questions I have will clear it up for both you and I. One, When was the last time you went to bed with someone? and two, when was your last cycle, if you can remember the date." 

It takes Benjamin a minute, but once he gets it, the color drains from his face. “Around this time last month and this past Saturday, and it's late..." 

James lowers his head into his hands and sighs, collecting his thoughts before he says anything. His hands come to hold Benjamin's arms, his voice is hushed, looking around before finally being blunt. "Benjamin, You're with child. I suggest you rest with the onslaught of this news, your body and mind need it.

Benjamin feels himself almost stagger backward, his head spinning at the words he was just told. /With child/? Now, in the middle of a war? "McHenry... You know what this means, don't you? I have to fucking resign my post in a few months- fuck!" He's furious- not only at himself but at Benedict as well.

"Tell him you're sick and don't trust your health. Better yet, I'll tell him since I am in fact your physician. He won't question it, especially with your past of frequent ailments. But I suggest you tell Arnold."

At this point, Benjamin has to sit down, too afraid that his legs will give out. "My God... What will he say? Will he even stay with me?" he sobbed, covering his face. He tried to calm down but couldn't- it was far too much for him to process right now. Was he to be a father? In the midst of a war? How was the child going to grow up? In the encampment? Somewhere in the middle of nowhere? He almost threw up again in the room but he ran outside and boy did he cry even more. It took him about 15 minutes to calm down, and then he walked in, and out of too much going on, passed out in a chair in front of Washington's desk.

When Washington walked in he did not expect to see Tallmadge passed out in the chair with Alexander behind him. "Major McHenry- what in the world happened here?" He asked, walking over to make sure Ben still had a pulse, "Is he alright?"

James just sighed softly, "I believe he'll be well in a few minutes. He's come down with something, but right now he's just in a heightened state of shock. He'll come to, but when he does, it won't be too pretty."

"It's not like him to do this... I'll write down what he needs to and once he wakes up will you take him back to his tent? The Major looks dreadful." Washington sighed, picking up a quill and dipping it into his inkwell, writing a list of basic tasks for him to get better, sanded the paper to dry it, then handed it to McHenry. "Make sure he doesn't die, you're relieved of your desk duties until he is well again."

Hearing that he now has been commanded to take care of Benjamin, James sighs of relief. He knows Benjamin trusts no other doctor or physician, and if the lad is in his hands, Benjamin's situation will not be revealed to anyone who they do not trust. "Your Excellency, I've seen this before. He will be dealing with this for a while, but I can still perform my other duties. Now come December, I will be escorting him out of camp. He's not in any threat of spreading his ailment, but the condition does progressively get worse. By my estimates, he will be well enough to be in the army again come September, but that is only if he chooses to come back." 

Just as Benjamin had been confused before, Washington is now dreadfully confused at this information. He chooses not to question McHenry for he's the physician here, but he does give a worried look. "As long as we work out who will be handling intelligence, I will allow you to take Major Tallmadge out of the service. I certainly prefer if he can come back, I don't trust anyone else with his work and he's the only one who can keep his ring under control." 

James nods, reassuring the General that he will do his utmost best to take care of Major Tallmadge as he sits on the floor next to the unconscious man.   
spoke on his unfortunate position. "Good morning-"

McHenry gently patted Benjamin's cheek, standing up and extending his hand to help him up. "Doctors and our Excellency's orders, you're to rest for the time you need. General Washington even made a detailed list for you to help you feel better. I'll come to check on you periodically until you're well enough to drill again."

"Huh? What? Oh-" took you a second "-Oh okay, yeah-" He's out of it, completely swamped with too many emotions. Taking McHenry's hand, he gets up and leaves headquarters, tears beginning to stream down his face when he got out of sight of Washington. "What am I going to do...?" He cried, still feeling like shit. "I just hate to leave my men like this- and if I'm able to come back? I believe they'll all kill me, " he sighed, standing up a little straighter when he gets in sight of Arnold's accommodations, "I'm going to go tell Benedict, and I hope it'll go over well, " he sighed, patting James on the back, "thank you, truly, you're a gift."

"You're men are capable without you, surely. You know I know this. Now go rest, and I'll come check on you in two hours." 

"Of course they are, they wouldn't be under my command if they weren't, " he chuckled, a joke temporarily easing his woes. He gently waved Alexander off, a sigh coming from his lips as he walked the rest of the way to the cabin Benedict and him are staying in.

-

"Benedict?" He called out, knocking on the door, "it's Benjamin." He walked inside, taking off his cloak and coat, holding his abdomen tightly. "We need to talk, " he has a bit of anger in his tone as he sat down on the bed beside the other.

Benedict glanced up from whatever was under his quill, barely for a moment, "Yes? And what about?" It seemed strange- Benjamin wasn't out for very long and he looks worse- and angry. Has someone hurt him? Has someone said something? It was one of Lee's men, wasn't it? "Everything alright?"

"You had a wife before the war, correct? And you had a family of three sons?" He sighed, clenching his fist, "you must remember what Margret went through the first time she was carrying a child." Ben's already tearing up by now, but out of anger. "Was it planned? Did you and Margaret wish for a family?"

Arnold knows that Benjamin despises the thought of pregnancy so it was odd for him to bring it up. "Yes, we talked about it after marriage and in a few months, our first son was convinced. Why? That was years ago."

Was it planned in Arnold's mind for this to happen? Did he wish for this to happen to Benjamin? Ben was furious, and his thoughts only made him worse.

"Did you plan this? Did you do this on purpose? Did you know?!" Each question got a little louder, his vision becoming blurry from his tears, "Benedict- you know how I don't wish for children and here we are! You know how careful I've tried to be yet here we are and if you did this on purpose, I'm going to scream! My entire career is gone, let alone if anyone finds out- oh, both of us are screwed over! Did you even think about the consequences?!” Benjamin began sobbing- a furious, panic-stricken, anxiety-filled mess.

Benedict was taken aback by Benjamin’s rage and words- did the other mean what he thought he meant? Where they to be a family? Is the plan he has set in motion after trying for months? Did he not even know of Peggy and the fact she is expecting? Benedict decided not to bring up Peggy or his and her child. Benedict tried to reach out to the other, though Ben flinched away.

"No! No, don't you even dare touch me!” Benjamin has gone the angry route and it’s going to be hard to stop him from there. He’s gotten up and is now facing the other, his whole body shaking from his nerves and the anger festering in him. 

“Benjamin, Take a minute, breathe- you’re going to be okay. If you keep becoming enraged I believe you’ll kill one of us,” he sighed, reaching out to the other to try and get him to come back to bed and just think. Was it that hard? Just to sit down and take a minute? Maybe Benjamin was never able to do that but if he didn’t he was liable to break something or one of them 

"Calm down?! Calm down?? How the hell am I supposed to do that now, huh?? This isn't something I can step back and walk away from! And good! I'm not someone you can walk over! Now tell me- did you do this on purpose?" Benjamin grabbed the knife in his boot and held it close to Benedict's neck, but not touching the skin. "Did you know?!"

Benjamin can't see it for he is blinded by his own rage, But Arnold is half-paralyzed out of fear. A knife at your throat wasn't a thing you particularly wish for, even if you know exactly what you did. "No!" he lied.

"I could kill you, you demented bastard, right now if I decided to- so you better not be lying to me!" He moves the knife to his skin but the tears come back down, and he's angry and sobbing- not a good combination. "Did you even think?!"

Benedict slowly reaches up to take the knife away, shushing benjamin as you would to a crying child. "If i was lying, I still wouldn't appreciate a knife to my goddamn throat. And, I'm not the only one at fault here. Your concupiscent nature surely played a part in this." 

As Benedict took the knife down Benjamin raised it right back up, but he stepped back and pointed it at the other's heart, once again close enough to the skin but the blade wasn't touching him. "Both of us accept the blame?! What kind of bullshit is that? This is your fault! Do you know how careful I have tried to be for once in my life and you just took all that away! You don't give a damn at all don't you?" That knife is now pressed against Benedict's skin, though not enough force is exerted to hurt him- no matter how bad Ben wanted to kill the other right now he knows he can't. 

“Would you lower the knife and stop trying to kill me? What would happen if you killed me, huh? The child would grow up without a father? Will you even have enough money to support yourself and our child? Go ahead, kill me like I’m a tory bastard that you’d enjoy killing, but where will you be then? Cold and hungry in a jail awaiting your own death while carrying a child.” Benedict has no clue if Ben will cut the skin, stab him, slit his throat, or just break down again, though if he were to place a bet on it Benjamin was due to keep sobbing and not do anything.

And if Benedict did place a wager on his bet he would have won- Ben didn't lower the knife for a minute- but could you blame him? He was distraught and overwhelmed. In about a minute and a half, he dropped the knife, placing it on his nightstand and then he collapsed on their bed, sobbing into his hands out of fear and guilt.

“Breathe, Benny, breathe, it’s going to be alright,” Benedict sighed, leaning up slightly to press his hand onto the other’s back, a gentle approach to soothing him. He didn’t say more for fear of losing blood at the other’s hands, though he felt like he should say something. Maybe not the truth but not something he couldn’t promise. “We can make it through this together, okay? I’m not going to leave you.” 

Benjamin didn’t believe it in all honesty, he didn’t believe any of this. Was God punishing him? What had he done to deserve this? Why was any of this happening? Ben couldn’t process any of this. It took him a while to begin calming down or to begin leaning into Benedict’s hand, but that time came and Benjamin fell back onto the bed and curled up into the other, clinging to him as if the act of being held could solve his problem and while Benedict indulged him and held him close- it didn’t solve his problems at all, it only soothed his woes for a short period of time. 

“Shhhhh, shhhh- just breathe, you can do this, okay? Why don’t you get into a nightshirt and sleep for the rest of the day? You need to rest and I can get you some bread and some meat- and don’t give me the ‘I don’t wish to be a bother’- no more of that. if you need anything you ask me, okay?” Benedict's quick change in his nature is only to keep the faint line of trust. As benjamin suspects, he doesn't care. But, he knows how demanding this would become. He only would have to do this for a few more months, just a few more, then the true plan was in motion. 

Ben, once he finally calmed down, looked up and nodded, curling up in his spot as if to protect himself. He waited a few minutes before getting up, wiping the tears away when he could. Unbuttoning his vest and breeches with shaky fingers and the lack of vision wasn’t the easiest, but he managed, taking both articles of clothing off, leaving him in his boxy workshirt and the cumbersome stay on top. Although Benedict had seen him bare countless times this morning was a different story. He grabbed one of Benedict's nightshirts- they were always clean, massive, long, and smelled like the other; as if the nightshirt was like a safety blanket for him- and headed to a small room just outside of Benedict's. 

There was a large mirror on the wall which Benjamin despised, especially now. He turned to his back would face away from the mirror, and began pulling out the laces to his stay. A part of him hates that stay with a passion- a symbol that he will never truly be who he is- but the other part is comforting to him, it gave him a flat chest before all this happened and he sewed hooks onto the bottom of it to hook onto his pants to keep them up.

Once the stay has been taken off, along with his workshirt, he grabbed the other's nightshirt. He was tempted to not put it on out of sheer spite, but that's all he had to change into so he slipped it on, catching the scent of the other. He hated the fact it calmed him down, just as his arms did, but he was still enraged. How was he to trust that man again? He'll work through that later, but for right now all he cares about is that warm bed and hopefully being held before his body forces itself into a coma. 

Once he got back into the room, locked the door, and got settled, it didn't take very long for both Benedict to hold onto him and for him to pass out, his whole body putting everything on hold to stop and rest for a few moments- though that few moments was more like twelve and a half hours. He didn't go to drills (luckily McHenry told the 2nd Light Dragoon unit that their Major is sick and couldn't make it), he didn't eat a midday meal (he wasn't even awoken by the cannonade to Mark midday), or supper. He was out, stone-cold, and didn't wake up till about ten at night. 

-

After Benjamin had been asleep for a few hours Benedict somehow managed to get out of bed, limping over to their desk across the room. He pulled out a sheet of paper and dipped the quill in his inkwell, beginning to write a letter he knew he shouldn’t do.

Dear Peggy, 

I write to you with good news on the proceedings of the Continental's head of intelligence. Since we have grown to become- /Friends? Were they just friends? He knew Benjamin didn’t think so, but for Peggy’s sake and his own life, he would say they’re friends/- friends. I have gained his trust but I’ve found a way to make it so he will be forced out of the army. While I would describe to you how it would endanger his life more than necessary and while I know I shouldn’t be partial to the man but I still am. Hopefully, this plan will go through and in a little less than a year he should be gone for good, leaving the Continentals without someone in charge of sniffing around like dogs. 

Farewell, my dear girl,  
Maj. Gen. Benedict Arnold

Benedict threw some sand onto the parchment to dry up the ink, waited a few minutes, then folded the paper up to fit in an envelope and hot wax stamped it closed. It was nice enough to hopefully warrant Benjamin not opening it, though he doubted the other would be doing too much around now before the letter was sent out. He placed it on top of the other mail his box of letters that needed to be sent out and climbed back into bed, wrapping the younger man in his arms to pretend he was another.


	2. Coping With Reality

After a few days of hiding from his responsibilities and a few days of god awful morning sickness Benjamin got out of bed and planned to go for a walk- he had big news to tell his childhood best friend, Caleb Brewster. Benedict was at his desk writing a letter to a fellow Major General Henry Knox and it seemed too boring to Benjamin. He took off the days old nightshirt, grabbed his uniform and got dressed, not enjoying the fact he can’t fully lace up his stay anymore. As Benedict kept working Benjamin threw on a cloak and slipped out of the room, giving him a kiss on the head before he left.  
Caleb never was in camp long enough to be in his tent often but hopefully, he would be today. Ben walked and walked, not enjoying the fact that he was now constantly fatigued. He waved to friends as he was walking, was stopped by a dear friend, John Laurens, who offered his assistance to help get him across camp (Luckily Laurens was the only one Alexander told- though those two are trustworthy enough for they could be caught just as he and Benedict could.). Benjamin accepted it because he knew Laurens was more stubborn than anyone he’s ever met and the man wouldn’t take no for an answer. Talking with the other- hell- looking at the other reminded him of a long-dead lover, which wasn't the most pleasant thing, but John's company was much appreciated. They talked about simple things, though the way John seemed to be protective over him was calming- Benedict never was like this. 

"Where ya going?" John asked, an arm around Ben's shoulders. 

"Brewster's tent, I gotta talk to him, " he sighed, looking around at all the men drilling at a god awful time- it's too early for this. "Have you seen him recently?”

“Nope, not since last week, though hopefully, he’ll be in today or tomorrow,” John sighed.

“What do you think he’ll say?” Ben whispered, not wanting others to overhear

“Probably the first thing he’s gonna say is ‘did he do this on purpose’ or ‘did he force you’,” John presumed.

“On purpose? No, Benedict would never do such a thing! It was an accident, is all,” Ben sighed, “though I worried about that when I first found out.”

“Trust me, those were the first words that came out of my mouth when Alexander told me- I don’t like that man, Lex and I both think something’s off about him,” John admitted, looking around to make sure no one was near, “I’d advise you to steer clear of him- don’t let the fact that you're going to be a father with his kid make you stay with him. You can always stay with Alexander and I if need be.”

“Thank you but I don’t think that will be necessary,” Ben smiled, stopping once he got to Brewster’s tent, “Here it is, thank you for keeping me company.”

“No problem. You know where I am if you need anything,” John hummed, leaving with an over the top bow that made them both laugh as they parted ways.  
-

Ben knocked on the tent post and luckily he heard a ‘come in’ from the inside. “Caleeeeb Brewsteerrrr,” Ben called out, a soft smile on his lips as he walked in the tent and saw the other, “haven’t seen you in weeks!”

When Caleb heard Ben he perked up, jumping up to hug him when Ben walked into his tent. “Tallboy! Why haven’t I seen your face sooner?” he teased, pulling Benjamin into a tight hug, though he backed off a little when he felt the other begin struggling (though he was laughing) to get out of his bear-like grasp. “So, what brings you here? Miss seeing my face? I bet you do-” he chuckled, “-though you look… different. You finally start washing your face? You look all glowy, it’s not natural.”

“I washed it this morning after I finally got out of bed- though that’s probably a part of why I’m here.”

“You got soap? That’s what you’re here to tell me?” Caleb laughed, confused as ever.

“No, you dumbass!” Ben laughed, fake shoving the other, “Sit down, you’ll take the news better that way.”

“Alright, alright- what is it? You took a bath? Seriously, something about you looks different and that has to be it- and you smell different too.”

“Okay, well, yes I did take a bath last night but that doesn’t count,” he snickered, pulling up a camp chair to sit in front of Caleb who was sitting on his cot, “You’re going to need to take a deep breath before I tell you, and you can’t freak out on me, okay?”

“Alright, but this isn’t sounding too good- should I be worried?”

“No, no Caleb, I’m fine- almost killed Benedict a few days ago but that’s not the point. The point is-” Ben took a deep breath, “-you’re going to have a nephew, Caleb.”

Caleb raised an eyebrow, now confused. “How’d you hear news of my kin before me?”

“Not your birth kin, Caleb, not your birth kin.”

It took a few minutes of word association and remembering who else he considered his family but then he looked up at Ben with wide eyes. “You? You, Benjamin Tallmadge, the man who said he was never having children- you’re… You’re…”

“Carrying Benedict’s child, yes. I like it as much as you do.” He sighed, reaching out for Caleb’s hand. “I need your help, now more than ever.”

“That bastard! I knew he was an arsehole but holy hell! How have you not killed him? That sick bastard did it on purpose, didn’t he? Trying to ruin everyone’s life is his specialty.”

“Laurens warned me you’d say something like that…”

“He’s right! How else am I supposed to react? I know you don’t wish for kids, so why else would he do it?”

“My hope is that it’s on accident because he’s known since the beginning of my fear of this happening. I found out a few days ago, Hamilton is the one who pieced it together and I’ve been wallowing in self-pity and vomit for the past three days.”

“Well, what are we going to do?” Caleb asked, grabbing the other’s hands, “Kill Arnold? That’s what I’d like to do right now.”

“Trust me, I wouldn’t stop you- but you need to think this through first- we both need to think of something because there’s no way I can carry out having a child while being in the army.”

“Right, right- where are we going to move you? How long have you known?”

“About three days, but we believe it’s been about five weeks since I conceived?”

“Fuck. you’re going to need to get you to a safehouse. The area around us would have empty houses we could keep you in- though it would need to be out of the public eye- we can’t risk anyone recognizing you.” Caleb pondered for about a minute and a half before he got an idea. “You remember that house about five miles west of here? In the woods? Near the creek? We could keep you in there until we move camps.”

“Perfect! But- but how will I get anything without being seen?”

“I can bring you food and supplies and I bet Laurens and Hamilton will come and visit you as well.” 

“Do you think Benedict will come?” Ben asked, though he already has a feeling of the answer to this one.

“I hate to say it but I doubt it- I’ve got your back though and if you need him to, let’s say, turn up missing? Or maybe, even better, dead? I know I could do that without shame.”

“Caleb! No need for murder jut yet!” he laughed, playfully punching the other, “Though how will I keep the ring going?”

“Transfer the work over to Hamilton? He already helps with the ring. He and Laurens could help with the work.”

“That could work, that could work…” Ben sighs. How was this even going to work? How was he going to tell Washington that he has to leave? Would he take him back in again? Even with a child? Would Benedict still love him? Too many questions flooded Tallmadge’s thoughts and he couldn’t even see straight. “Caleb- Caleb what about Washington? What about telling him about my resignation? What about when I wish to return to the cause?”

“Old man Washington will be fine, I doubt he’ll be mad if you can still run the ring- and I’ll help with that. Did you think I wouldn’t?”

“Why do you think I came to you? I knew if you couldn’t help you’d know someone who can.” Ben hummed, squeezing Caleb’s hand.

“Now for the delivery- do you know any doctors who could help and won’t tell anyone? We need someone we can trust.”

“Nurse Bethany, she’s the one I go to if I need anything- I wouldn’t trust any of those doctors at all- I had to fornicate with an old man just to pass my physical exam to join the army.” Ben shutters at the last sentence, almost throwing up at the memory. 

“I wish we could kill that bastard too-” Caleb, murder isn’t always the solution, “-But I like Bethany, she seems more your type than nasty old Arnold.”

“Oh shut your trap- she’s nice but not my type, besides, I love Benedict and he treats me well.”

“Is he even good in bed with that messed up leg of his? He probably should have joined the minutemen because he can only last a minute!” Caleb laughed, thinking he was the best comedian of the entire Continental Army. 

Ben tried not to laugh but Caleb always made him laugh so he couldn’t avoid it. He punched the other’s arm and kept laughing because, in all honesty, he wasn’t too wrong. “At the beginning that was the case! He has better stamina now,” He laughed, his face growing red out of embarrassment.

“I didn’t need to know that, Tallboy! Now you’ve got me picturing you two fornicating and I don’t like that image!”

“Stop thinking about it then! I know you love me but I don’t love you that much!” Ben teased.

Caleb was doubled over on his cot, in tears from laughing so hard. “I can’t! I can’t unsee it!”

Ben couldn’t stop laughing and neither could Caleb- Ben felt like a stupid twelve-year-old boy again- like he was back home in Setauket without any duties or worries or cares- it was just like the old times and he desperately wished to go back. 

“You, Caleb Brewster, are a pain in my ass and I swear to God you’re going to hell,” Benjamin laughed, standing up once he caught his breath. 

“Don’t you dare leave saying you’ve ‘got shit to do’ because I know you don’t,” Caleb snickered. 

“I’ve gotta drill with my men! They haven’t seen their commander’s face in four days!” he fake pleaded to get out of the other’s hair.

“Fine, fine, but you better come back and have your midday meal with me!” Caleb states, getting up to pull the other into an embrace. 

Ben turns around and happily accepts Caleb’s hug and holds him tightly, the embrace soothing him more than he can understand. “Thank you, Caleb, I really mean it,” he whispers before letting go and waving him off. 

-

Benjamin spends the fifteen-minute walk pondering on the future. He was going to have to train a new man to be in charge of the 2nd light continental dragoon unit, and picking that man is going to be a struggle. 

He gets to the encampment and is greeted with a warm welcome of: “look who decided to show up!” by Elisha Sheldon, his superior officer who never was his role of superior. 

“Yes, yes, I know- but give me a break, I had to be sent from an officers meeting to my tent because I damn near died in front of Washington!” he called out, taking a few more steps to get into their side of camp. “So at least I have an excuse for my absence- Sheldon, have you been training with them at all?”

Sheldon shrugged and took a swig of whiskey from a personal flask, “Men didn’t wanna train- why make ‘em?” 

Ben already felt like a father when he had to deal with his unit- especially to Sheldon even though he was older. “You all are very lucky I’m not going to reprimand you because I’m too tired to do so,” he laughed, sitting in an empty chair, “But Sheldon, you’re gonna need to pick up the slack.”

“How come, you ain’t leaving any time soon, so why should I?” Elisha laughed, causing the en to all chuckle- it really was like a group of boys with Benjamin as the half proud, half disappointed father.

“Elisha, I’m being reassigned come December- you’ll need to take command of our men when the time comes.” reassigned, that’s a good word for it, Benjamin.

“What? The one and only Benjamin Tallmadge is leaving our ranks? How come? Did ya get in another catfight with Washington about your intel job?” A young corporal called out, crossing his arms and leaning back- causing him to fall off his camp chair with a loud smack against the ground- providing a round of laughs to the unit that even Ben couldn’t stop himself from laughing at.

“Corporal Abel, if you can’t properly sit in a camp chair, what makes me think you’ll be fit to mount a mare and ride her into battle?” he laughed, drinking from his canteen.

“You sayin’ I can’t do my job? Because you’re one to talk, being gone for a few days- tell me, was that an excuse to mount something else?” Corporal Abel jeered, though it was only a tease.

“Would you shut the hell up and do something productive, hmm? Gamble if you must but you can’t be trusted like a petulant toddler!”

“Suits me, Major, though I still doubt ya,” Abel smirked, playfully slapping Ben’s arm as he got up and walked off. 

-

Benjamin spends the next three months training hard with his men, eating whatever he can find (and what Benedict, Caleb, and Hamilton can scrounge up to give him), and writing out everything to give to Alexander and John for when he’s gone. 

Each day comes with new and odd struggles, though they’ve settled mostly because of the winter. This cold spell was one similar to Valley Forge, though this time the men know a little bit more on how to survive. But once again, the pay is scarce, a warm fire and blankets are a hot commodity, and Benjamin’s situation (more so temperament) caused him to have a vile first trimester. He was angry, lashed out at little things, pouted when things didn’t go his way, got really clingy towards Arnold, and his hormones were just wack. The one good thing about Ben’s situation as he and Arnold could forgo being careful when they would lay together- which became more frequent than before for ‘need of warmth’- a terrible excuse for the fact that Benjamin was far more lascivious than normal. 

October was relatively calm within the area of Ben’s life, he got almost everything done, did his job the best he could, and slept a bit more. November was full of morning sickness, terrible mood swings, his temper causing him to go on long walks without talking to anyone for as long as he could manage just to keep himself from killing someone. With the terrible mood swings came heightened dysphoria. Every part of himself felt wrong and he wanted to make it all go away but he couldn’t. He couldn’t bind as much as he used to, his hair and nails grew too quick, he noticed how big his hips were in comparison to everyone except the mothers in the camp followers, he noticed he wasn’t as strong as he used to be, and every night in the mirror was a living nightmare. Of course, Benedict would try his best to soothe the other but only some nights that would work. Each week he saw the unwanted changes in his body and felt ashamed to even walk outside- though no one else seemed to notice other than the people he let close. 

Then came December. It became too much of a risk for Benjamin to stay in camp and he had to go tell Washington of this- which thankfully ended better than he expected. Washington was confused on why Benjamin had to leave at such a short notice but once he learned the ring would stay intact and he’d still be gaining intel Washington permitted him to resign, telling him he could join again when the matter at hand goes away, Ben saluted and walked out of the room, going into the Aide’s workroom to pull Alexander and John aside before he began packing his things. They talked for about half an hour, Benjamin explaining what all was going to happen, directions to get where he will be living, how to contact him, and things he may ask of them. He hugged both of them tightly before leaving, telling them he couldn’t have better compatriots than the two of them. 

He set back off to Benedict’s cabin, carrying the heavyweight of bad news to tell the other. The knock against his door was weak but enough to earn a ‘come in’ from the older man. Ben slipped in quietly, not speaking much for the fear of his mouth opening would cause him to start crying. He gathered his belongings, tightly packing everything into his snapsack and haversack, feeling more winded than usual after.

“Where are you off to?” Benedict asked, looking from a letter he was working on.

“I’ve resigned my post and I’m going off. Caleb and I have been refurbishing a home in the woods so I can remain there until the baby is delivered,” he sighed, sitting down on Benedict’s bed, “I’m going to miss you, and Alexander, and John, and my men- I don’t want to go.”

“I wish you didn’t have to, Love, I wish we could stay together while we wait,” Benedict spoke softly, an abnormal tone for the man’s character. He slowly rose and limped over to Benjamin, sitting on the bed beside him, pulling him down onto the bed to hold him one last time before he leaves. Right before he got comfortable though, he had an idea. “Why don’t you and I go have one last hurrah with your unit? They’re always up late singing and drinking and you’ll be alone for a while, it’ll be a good night.” 

Ben was tired already but it was a promising idea, a celebration of his last night with everyone before he comes back with a new soldier and who knows how many will be dead and replaced upon his return. “I suppose so, though I’ll probably become intensely homesick afterward.” As he speaks he gets up again, grabbing Arnold’s boots and coat for him so they could venture across the camp.  
-  
Once there the two sit down, Ben sits beside Colonel Sheldon and Arnold across the campfire. They came in mid-song, William Taylor- the same song Benjamin sang when he met Arnold and in their little production Benjamin was “Sarah Grey” and Arnold was “William Taylor”- A favorite of Benjamin’s for the parallels between him and Sarah. He joined in singing instantly and his commanding officer teased him for it, but then offered him a flask of whiskey and he couldn’t resist it. Since everyone was so deep into their cup Benjamin had a hand rested on his abdomen, not thinking that it would raise questions if noticed.

“Good to see you, General Arnold! What brings you here?” Sheldon asks, his words slurred from the mass amounts of ration rum he had an hour earlier.

“My patriotic duty to drag Benjamin out to enjoy himself before he leaves tonight, I thought it fit to see all of you together again and make sure he doesn’t die before he leaves,” Arnold teased, taking a sip of the rum that was being passed around and passing it on to Corporal Able. 

Sheldon’s eyebrows raised at the impropriety of Arnold calling Major Tallmadge ‘Benjamin’, curious about the pair’s friendship now. “It used to be easy to get him out to drink and sing with us but the past few months he’s been fairing in an odd manner. Have you noticed that too?”

Arnold chuckled at the question, fully understanding why Ben has been the way he has for the past three months, but only nodded his head at the question. “Why do you think I ‘dragged’ him out here? It seems like he hasn’t had a good time in too long.”

The whole unit laughed or shouted “Here here!” at the General’s statement, then the quieted down as their commander cleared their throat. “Why don’t you choose the next song then? I’d like to hear what you can add to this night if you’ll be sure to make it interesting!” Sheldon smirked, drinking more and cheers-ing a Captin beside him.

The initial shock in Arnold’s face made a few men laugh but then he agreed. “I know an old folk song, may not be the most cheerful but it’s the only one I know by heart,” he laughed, coughing a bit before drawing in a deep breath.

“The sheep's in the meadow  
The cow's in the corn  
Now is the time for /our/ child to be born

He'll laugh at the moon and he'll cry for the sun  
And if it's a boy he'll carry a gun  
Sang the crow on the cradle

And if it should be that /our/ baby is a girl  
Never you mind if her hair doesn't curl  
With rings on her fingers and bells on her toes  
/A shadow above her wherever she goes/  
Sang the crow on the cradle

The crow on the cradle  
The black on the white  
Somebody's baby is born for a fight

The crow on the cradle  
The white on the black  
/Somebody's baby is not coming back/

Sang the crow on the cradle  
Sang the crow on the cradle

Your mother and I, we’ll sweat and we’ll slave  
/To build you a coffin and dig you a grave/  
Hush-a-bye little one, never you weep  
/For we’ve got a toy that can put you to sleep/  
Sang the crow on the cradle”

Each line emphasized, Arnold would lay eyes on ben and the words were sharp, almost threatening towards Benjamin and the child. Ben was probably overthinking as he tended to do, but it caused the color in his face to drain and he clutched his abdomen even tighter as to protect the child from the other’s words. There was a lull for a moment and Benjamin thought it fit to sing the last few lines of the song: 

“Bring me my gun and I'll shoot that bird dead  
That's what your father and I once said  
The crow on the cradle what can we do  
This is a thing that I leave up to you”

Each word was sung but there was an overarching tone of disgust and fear that almost made it seem as if he was speaking these lines. Surely enough, this turned heads and a few eyes went to the fact he was clutching his stomach, but their concerns for the obvious parallels of carrying a child and Benjamin’s attitude and hand placement was washed away when Ben began to heave. He jumped up and ran a few steps before throwing up because of how emotionally worked up he’s gotten. Once done throwing up, Sheldon walks over with his canteen and a rag, wiping the younger man’s mouth and feeding him a bit of water. 

“It’s as if you’re the expectant lady in that song,” Sheldon teases, not realizing he is correct. 

Ben gives a strained laugh at the comment after he drinks more water and wipes his mouth again. “If that was physically possible I think Corporal Abel would be the first man to get knocked up,” He retorts, a weak smile on his face. This earns yet another round of laughs and a loud ‘fuck you!’ from Corporal Able as Ben gets back on his feet with the Colonel’s help. “Though I think I should be off, I need to reach my destination with Captin Brewster before tomorrow.” Ben looked around and got up, much to his men’s protests, and began to clutch his abdomen again as he walked away.

Arnold sighed and got up, thanking the men and wishing them a good night as he set off after Benjamin. Did he put emphasis on those lines and change some of the lyrics to fit this particular situation? Absolutely. Though he didn’t expect Benjamin to pick up on it. He didn’t catch up immediately on purpose, though he did catch up eventually.“Benjamin? Benjamin, are you alright?” Arnold asks, coming up on the other slowly. 

Benjamin turns around and a knife was drawn, pointed at Arnold yet again. “Don’t you dare act like you care, you lying prick!” He exclaimed, stepping closer with that knife dangerously close to Arnold’s throat. “Do you wish for us to die? Is that what that was about? First, you knock me up and the next you want me and our child and I to die? You sick bastard!” 

Arnold steps back away from ben and his knife, holding up his hands to signify he’s not going to hurt the other. “Jesus Christ! Put the fucking knife down, it won’t solve your problems!” he shouted, pissed off, “And no! That was never the case! I just know that song and it just so happens that you’re in a similar predicament!” The lie wouldn’t be convincing if it was to anyone else but Arnold knows the emotional range of Benjamin and right now, he knows Ben wants reassurance, though the knife is preventing Arnold from being able to give that to the frightened younger man.

“Yeah, Yeah, Sure! Then why did you look at me at the most inopportune times, huh?” Ben’s voice wavers and tears form in his eyes as he steps closer with the knife, his arm is shaking.

“It wasn’t on purpose, Jesus Christ, look at you- You’ve upset yourself beyond necessary for you and baby.” Arnold slowly reaches up and grabs Benjamin’s wrist, pushing his arm down and taking the knife. “Breathe, Benny, Breathe, you’re thinking too much,” he speaks softly, as if he’s talking to a child, and pulls Benjamin into an embrace, “You’re safe with me, you know that.”

Ben struggled and tried to resist putting the knife down but Arnold was stronger and his judgment was right; Benjamin needed to be reassured, not yelled at. He melted into the other’s arms, crying and clutching his stomach yet again. “I don’t want to leave, Benedict, don’t make me go…” his voice cracked, looking at the other with such fear and anxiety in his eyes. 

“I know, I know, but you’ll be safer out there, okay? I’ll come and visit you and hold you just like this. I’ll even help you sew clothes for our little one.” Another lie. The truth would have been better to say in the long run but right now, Arnold’s mindset is to t get Ben back to the cheery, happy young man he used to be. “Come on, let’s get you back to the cabin and get your stuff, okay?”

Benjamin nodded weakly, still clutching onto the other as he followed him back to the cabin.


	3. A Journey and a weekly visit gone well

Benjamin only stayed in the cabin for a few minutes when they got there, his body begging him to go to sleep but he couldn’t. He couldn’t stay here another night even if he wanted to. He gave Benedict a long, loving kiss, holding his face as he did so. He wished to commit the moment to memory, draw the last bit of affection out as long as he could before he had to go. Though that time did come and he grabbed all of his things, taking a few shots of Benedict’s whiskey to calm his nerves, and he was off. 

He snuck out the backdoor, trying to conceal his tears as to not make any noise. The walk wasn’t as bad as he thought it would be but the emotions where horrid, that whiskey never really helped for his nerves and his nose was running from how much he cried. His route to get to Caleb was through the woods so he couldn’t be seen and they could avoid sentries. The walk was almost too long for ben’s already fatigued state but he’s willing to try to make it- which he does! When he finally sees Caleb he almost passes out, running into his best friend's arms which were thankfully open for an embrace and closed around him once he was close enough. 

“Ready to go?” Caleb whispered, “it can be an adventure like when we were young- us camping down by the cove? Think of it that way because you know I’m not gonna stop pestering you no matter where you are.”

Ben nodded, not trusting himself to make words that were coherent enough. He almost didn’t let go of Caleb but he knew he’d have to hold onto him as they rode out to his new home. Caleb climbed up first onto the mare and then helped Ben up, making sure the other was steady before they began their journey.

The ride would take about an hour and a half, which meant Caleb and Benjamin would have to at least talk to pass the time- but Ben was too busy sobbing and trying to figure out how he was going to handle all of this.

“Hey, Benny?” Caleb asked, his voice quiet.

“Hmm?” 

“Remember that song your Mother used to sing? The one about the dove?”

“Turtle dove? That was always my favorite” ben hummed, a little smile coming upon his lips. 

“Need me to sing it to you since that whiskey didn’t help calm ya down?”

Ben’s eyes light up- what a thoughtful thing! That song was what his mother would always sing to help him sleep after a nightmare or when he was in pain or for any reason- but it always soothed him. “Please? I haven’t heard it in years.”

“Alright, but I'm not as good as your ma,” He chuckled, taking a deep breath before he began singing:

‘Fare you well my dear I must be gone  
and leave you for a while  
If I roam away I'll come back again  
Though I roam ten thousand miles, my dear  
Though I roam ten thousand miles

So fair thou art my bonny lass  
So deep in love as I  
But I never will prove false to the Bonny lass I love  
Till the stars fall from the sky my dear  
Till the stars fall from the sky

The sea will never run dry my dear  
Nor the rocks never melt with the sun  
But I never will prove false to the Bonny lass I love  
Till all these things are done, my dear  
Till all these things are done

O yonder doth sit that little turtle dove  
He doth sit on yonder high tree  
A making a moan for the loss of his love  
As I will do for thee my dear  
As I will do for thee’

Benjamin almost fell asleep as the other sang, mouthing the lyrics as his friend sang with a little smile. “Thank you, truly- for all of this,” ben whispers after a brief period of silence, not wishing to break the spell of such a calm moment.

“What else was I gonna do? Let you be on your own? No- no way, Tallboy, you’re not getting rid of me.” 

“I’d hope to not get rid of you, arsehole. You make my life interesting enough to look forward to the next day,” Ben mumbled, becoming drowsy since the alcohol had begun to set in.

The rest of the ride to Benjamin’s cabin was quiet, occasionally they would sing shanties like “Maid on the Shore”, “Spanish Ladies”, “Star of the County Down”, “Roll the old chariot”, “Katie Cruel”, and “Northwest Passage”. All of them made the time go by a little faster than before, giving Ben something to think about other than isolation. 

“Caleb- could you stay the night? I hate to admit it but I’m afraid to be alone out here,” Ben sighed, looking around at the moonlit woods.

“If you expect me to ride another hour back you are wrong, Benny, I’m crashing somewhere in that cabin,” Caleb chuckled, a yawn escaping him as he tried to focus, “I might just fall asleep now.”

“Don’t you dare! I’m the one with the excuse to fall asleep and we have to at least get there first!”

“Don’t count on me to get us there then!”

Luckily enough they made it to the cabin in one piece and no one fell asleep or fell off the mare but at one point Ben almost pushed Caleb off for all of his crude remarks. When they got to the cabin they put the horse in the stables, feeding and watering her, taking all off all of their tacks as well. Ben spent a few extra moments thanking the horse and calming her down enough to sleep once she ate and drank. 

Caleb pulled him out and into the cabin, sparking a fire with a flint into the fireplace to keep them warm as Benjamin wandered around. It was a small but cozy cabin, furnished nicely and the counter on the west side overlooking the water had fruits, vegetables, bread, and brandy. Also on the west wall was his bed, a real, full bed with pillows and blankets that made Benjamin jump with joy. He quickly got out of all of his outer layers and went under the covers to change into a nightshirt that he stole from Benedict and boy was he happy. He could care less about food or anything else but his little cloth he liked to rub between his fingers that he aptly named ‘blankie’ as a child and falling asleep- preferably when Caleb came over and came into the bed as well. After about five minutes Caleb did come to the bed, only taking off his shoes before climbing in, wrapping Ben up into a protective embrace. For years and years, Ben has practically been Caleb’s little brother and he’d be damned if he didn't say he was protective over the younger man. He felt better now that Benjamin was away from Arnold and safe to just be himself here. 

“G’night, Benny,” Caleb mumbled, closing his eyes.

“Goodnight, Caleb,” Ben chuckled, slowly drifting off to sleep with a content look on his face.

-

Every week for the next few months is full of new challenges and new triumphs for Benjamin. It takes him a while to get used to being alone and away from everyone, though at times it’s appreciated to be by himself. He can now wake up when he wishes to, sleep whenever he feels like, go out and wander the woods and find something to make dinner with, sit on the porch overlooking the water when he wakes up- in all, it was a peaceful little place in the middle of a violent time. 

This fine April morning marks the first full month of being out of the public’s eye for Benjamin and the only reason he remembered was that Caleb had brought him a calendar to keep track of his days. To be truthful, today just felt like a normal morning for Benjamin. He got up around ten in the morning, toasted a slice of bread on his salamander, made himself some tea from anything he could find, and sat on his little back porch watching the fish jump- until he heard a knock on his door. Who would be here at this hour? If Ben had any self-preservation at all he’d tell them to leave him alone but he did the opposite and went up to the door. Once he opened it he found a pleasant surprise outside, two beloved friends of his, none other than Alexander and John.

“Ah! Come in, come in! I wasn’t accepting you,” Ben admitted, a nervous chuckle coming out of him.

Alex and John both came in laughing, carrying bags into the small cabin with a smile. “We come with gifts!” John exclaimed, holding his bag up. We got you more flour, apples, strawberries, turnips, radishes, and mushrooms! Alex got you parchment and ink powder, and the aides chipped in and bought you a nightshirt!”

Ben became teary-eyed, how was everyone so nice? He hugged them both and helped set everything down and get it all organized. 

“Now go and lay down, we can take care of everything today, okay?” John smiled, looking over to Alexander who nodded in agreement.

“Oh come on! I was about to make another loaf of bread!” Ben blurted out, a playful pout coming to his lips.

“Nope! You’re coming with me,” Alex smiled, taking Ben’s hand and dragging him to bed, making sure the other was comfortable before taking his shoes off climbing into the bed with him, scooping Ben into his arms.

John watched the two with a smile as he got out all the fruits and vegetables, stealing a few eggs from Ben’s egg basket to make them some bread for their dinner. He got out the ingredients to make bread and prepped it all, then as he was waiting he followed Alexander’s example and climbed into the bed with the two, snuggling up to Ben’s right side as Alex was already on his left. “Ben, how are you so warm?” he asked, placing a small kiss on Ben’s forehead.

“I dunno, recently I really have no clue why my body does what it does,” Ben chuckled in response, loving the little bits of affection from the other.

Within the past month, as cliche as it is, the phrase ‘distance makes the heart grow fonder’ was truly the case for Benjamin, Alexander, and John. The trio had always been closer than three compatriots ‘should’ be, but it worked for them. Now every time the two came to visit Benjamin (which had become a weekly thing) they would all lay together, talk, kiss, and almost every time it would advance to more- but that’s not the point here. Ben enjoyed the fond moments they all had together and looked forward to seeing the two again every time they went away. He hated to get in a pessimistic mood when they came around but if it was so easy for two of Washington’s aide-de-camp to visit him almost every week like clockwork, then how hasn’t Benedict come to see him yet? Benedict probably has plenty of time to at least write to him but he still hasn’t received word since he left the encampment. As he thought of Benedict came back up he tried to push it aside and focused on the two that were actually there with him at the moment.

“When are you two going to let me up? I’ve gotta wash my clothes today.”

“Hah! You think we’re gonna let you do that?” Alex chuckled, a hand coming up to play with Ben’s hair.

“Please? come on it's just me standing in the water, sudsing up shirt and cleaning myself up as well. It’s not a physically taxing chore- at least not to me.”

“We can do it, you just get some rest today and we’ll get you whatever you need, okay?” John smiled.

“If you insist- I don’t think I can stop either one of you. Alex, you’re too quick and John, you’re too strong.” The three all laughed at Ben’s statement and snuggled up to each other a bit closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own the songs used I just changed it! Go check them out
> 
> Turtle Dove: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tO8phVJHlyg
> 
> The Sweet Little Girl from Barnagh: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5tEsTsDfPwQ


	4. A weekly visit gone wrong

On the second notable weekly visit, this time in the last week of his second trimester, John and Alexander brought mail and for once it wasn’t strictly Culper Sr. or Culper Jr. related. Ben was lying in bed, sewing a bodice for the newcomer and drinking (Madeira spiked) coffee, courtesy of Caleb. He’d been having indigestion problems and the baby had started to kick so occasionally the poor man would jump at the sudden movement of his little one. It was almost like, to him, that the baby was to be a dancer! If that was the case, he, she, or they would be welcomed to the 2nd Light dragoon unit without question. 

When Alexander and John got to the cabin, John dropped a chest on the bed, a smile on both his and Alexander’s faces. “Looks like you’ve got some mail from a special correspondent,” John teases, nudging the chest towards Benjamin, “I thought the man was just gonna go MIA on you but looks like he’s been saving up for a while for this.” 

With the last remark, Benjamin has that curious cocked head “beagle” look that is so famously attributed to him, and he picks up the crate. On the outside, there was a small note in practiced handwriting that he hadn’t seen in ages.

‘For you and baby  
Love,  
B. Arnold’

Ben’s face lit up at the ‘love’ and who it was from, opening up the chest as quickly as his fingers could. Inside there was a second note and it simply said:

‘Pour this into boiling water and ingest everything, It will soothe any cramps or pains.’

Inside the chest was four vials of dried and crushed up herbs, a strong waft of peppermint coming to Ben’s already heightened sense of smell. “I think he got me peppermint!” Ben cheers, looking up at the other two like an excited child. “No wonder it took him so long, this must have been so costly… It’s even more of a treasure to know that he’s still thinking of us. Could one of you boil some water for me? My little dancer has been kicking up a storm and I fear I may burst without something to calm him.”

Alexander nodded, taking the chest and bringing it into the kitchen as John fetched water, a trivet, and a kettle to boil the water. Once the water finally boiled, Alex dumped the coffee out of Ben’s mug and put a vial of the dried ‘peppermint’ in as John poured the hot water in. Alex took the cup over to Ben, setting it onto the table before he curled up in bed next to Ben, a hand coming to his bump as if it was muscle memory. John remained in the kitchen for a few minutes to cut up an apple and a few slices of bread for the three of them. When he returned he went to go take a sip of Ben’s tea just to piss him off, but when he looked in the glass he saw purple flowers and stepped back in shock. His eyes darted towards Alexander and all the color drained from his face. 

“That’s… that’s not peppermint, Benjamin.” 

John barely got those five words out, covering his mouth and taking a deep breath before he snatched up the mug, dumping everything out of the glass like it was life or death… and in this case, it is. 

“Benjamin, that’s not peppermint Arnold sent you. Did you see the purple flowers? Peppermint has only leaves. But another plant smells just like it that does have those purple flowers… Pennyroyal. Pennyroyal has been used for centuries to… it’s- If you had drank that tea and the leaves and flowers inside it the least of what would happen is that your child would die and come away, which would be very painful. The worst that could happen is that you and your baby would die just by drinking that tea. That man is trying to not only kill your baby, but kill /you/ as well.” 

Once John said the word "pennyroyal" Alexander's eyes went wide and he sucked in his breath, now clutching onto Ben's bump protectively. "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph… I knew something was off about that man when he gave us that chest! That smile was up to no good. Wait till we get back in camp and I'll show him-"

"-And risk outing Ben?" John interjected, "Trust me, I want to snap that man’s neck as much as you do but you'd have to mention the real reason he sent our boy pennyroyal in the first place and I'd rather not do that." 

Alexander sighed and nodded, snuggling up to Benjamin as close as he could because he couldn’t fathom him or his child dying- not now- maybe when they’re old and have grey hairs- but not this young. John felt the same, but he’s set his mind to destroying everything that Arnold sent Benjamin. He dumps out the other three vials and then takes the crate outside, removing the notes to burn them later before he chops up the crate (violently, he’s got a lot of rage at the moment and the chest his the closest thing he’s going to get to Arnold) to use for kindling. Once he returns he downs a glass of rum, then slips into bed beside Benjamin and holds him as close and tight as possible, almost possessively, for he fears what could have happened if he didn’t spot the flowers. 

Benjamin throughout this ordeal is mentally and emotionally disoriented. He’s just staring at his bump, holding it protectively and not a word is processed after he heard the flowers could have killed his child. He doesn’t notice but tears begin to fall from his eyes and all he can hear is ringing in his ears- his body was trying to shut down to avoid coming to terms this whole situation. "But... But I want Benedict to be there to see our little one grow. I want him to see our little soldier walk for the first time. Because of this I now truly want a family life after the war. I don’t want him to leave us… I want him to be there and /love/ us like he did with Margaret," he whispers, distraught and confused at why the two hate Arnold so much because of his dissociation.

Alex lets out a worried sigh and gently reaches a hand up to cup Benjamin’s cheek. “My boy… As terrible as it is, Arnold doesn’t want you. He is a lying, entitled knave who only thinks of himself and how he can get more money. I wouldn’t be surprised if he has even worse motives than that.” While Alexander means well in being honest, it ends up in making Benjamin sob, and who wouldn't if they were in his place? Alex and John tried to soothe him but all they could do was let him cry. 

“We’re your little one’s fathers now too,” John proclaims, pressing a kiss onto Ben’s cheek after he wipes the tears away, “you’ve always had our support and will always have it. You have no need for that charlatan.”

The rest of the day was spent in bed with Alexander reading to Ben and baby and John doing chores around the cabin, even going out for a while to hunt for game for their supper. He came back with two rabbits and three fish, an extraordinarily feat seeing as John struggles with having patience. Nevertheless he made the most of it and cooked a nice meal for the three of them, making sure Benjamin got as much meat and vegetables into his system as possible. 

The three spent the night cuddled up and Ben got filled in on all the petty drama around camp, which definitely boosted his spirits, and the kind words of an accidentally forgotten letter written by Colonel Sheldon made him have a bit more faith in his fellow men again. 

The love shared in this tiny cabin was far stronger than if Ben was spending the rest of his time with Benedict, and that night, Benjamin really started to question if Benedict’s actions almost eight months ago, as well as this pennyroyal incident, were an accident… or where they done on purpose?


	5. New Arrival

The next four months went fairly well for Benjamin though it wasn’t without its ups and downs. Each month had a new challenge like becoming dizzy and falling out sometimes in the sixth month, his nausea came back in the seventh month, he was certainly not going to be binding with his stay by the 8th month, by the ninth month he couldn’t sleep throughout the night and was constantly using the bathroom.

But during the sixth month he felt the first kick, the seventh he was beginning to get everything ready for the little one, by the eighth month John and Alex visited frequently along with Brewster who was practically a full-time resident now with Ben, by the ninth he was feeling little contractions- a happy sign the baby was on its way. 

Now Ben didn’t expect his water to break when in the company of others, but luckily enough Alexander, John, and Caleb were all in the cabin on June 22nd, the day Benjamin had been waiting for for months now.

He was just laying in bed with Alexander while Caleb was out hunting and John was making breakfast and he felt a pop near where the baby was and he looked down, confused as ever. Then he felt it- a warm rush of something between his legs and his eyes lit up.

“Alex- Alex I think- I think I’m gonna- I think the baby-” He’s not making many words right now, he’s extremely excited… until his first contraction hit and he almost folded into himself, holding his stomach tightly as he began to cry.

“Jack! Go get Caleb! The baby is on it's way!” Alex jumped out of bed to get John, running out of the cabin to call for Caleb. Once outside Alex yelled and hollered, waving his arms to get Caleb’s attention, jumping up and down too. Caleb quickly turned his head and put his musket strap over his shoulder, running back to the cabin as quickly as possible. 

While Alex was getting Caleb, John dropped everything and ran over to Benjamin, pulling up a chair beside him, knowing he’d be here for a damn long time. His hands came up to feel if the baby was in the right position to come out, and luckily enough the little one was. “You’re gonna have to start relaxing, okay? Deep breaths and I’ll get you something to hold onto for the contractions okay?” He spoke softly, trying his best to reassure the other. John removed his nightshirt to the displeasure of Ben, but he understood why it was important- besides, everybody here has seen him bare, he’s got nothing to hide.

Alexander and Caleb came flying in, Alex got a bucket of water and cloth to help clean Benjamin up and Caleb went onto the bed to sit beside Benjamin- he’s the man’s moral support. Caleb held Ben’s hand,running his other hand through the other’s hair to help calm him down. 

“Just breathe, Benny, you can do this, you’ve got us,” he smiled, happy this day was finally here.

Benjamin, on the other hand, was not smiling at all. He was trying his best to breathe and he was barely relaxing, though he did manage to become a little more relaxed about thirty minutes into the first stage. It took him about two hours to get through the first stage of labor- though the next stage took about five hours of even worse contractions. John got him up and had him walk around once every fifteen minutes or half an hour, Alex gave him gentle massages when he wasn't helping Ben walk around. 

Finally, the three got a shite ton of pillows up under Benjamin’s hips and back and the time had come for him to start pushing- that baby was coming out no matter how hard it got because Benjamin wanted this baby out. He got into bed from his last time of walking around and just as before John was directing Benjamin through everything, Alexander was Benjamin’s moral support and John’s extra hand, and Caleb was behind Benjamin, holding him and providing support by letting Benjamin hold onto him for dear life. John and Alexander made sure the baby was properly turned around once more before they began directing him to push, and boy was he ready. The thing he wasn’t ready for was the pain that came along with it. He pushed the best he could for the first time, stopping after he felt like he was going to die from the horrible burning and stretching sensation. Caleb kept encouraging him in little jokes, hoping to ease a little bit of the mood as Alex got everything ready for the newborn like a tub to clean the little one, blankets, cloths to swaddle the newborn and to clean them, and lots and lots of water for Benjamin. Caleb slowly fed him water between pushes, wiping a cool rag on his face to keep him from getting too hot. 

By the third and fourth push he felt the baby get closer and closer, though the stretch was absolutely horrendous and by the fifth push John yelled he could see the head- though all ben could feel was pain and like he was about to pass out. By the sixth, long, long push the baby’s head was fully out and John and Alex were both cheering him on to push one last time. In the seventh push the baby fully came out into John’s arms, and John was ecstatic. The last three pushes where to get the placenta out of Benjamin and the baby’s umbilical cord was cut right after that. 

Once Benjamin saw John hold up the baby he instantly reached his arms out for the little one, tears welling up in his eyes. 

The newborn began sobbing loudly and everyone was relieved but Benjamin’s fathering instincts didn’t enjoy the sound of an unhappy baby and John handed the little one over to Benjamin. Ben instinctively held the baby close, gently rocking back and forth, cooing softly before his newborn calmed down enough to stop screaming. Once the baby was calm Ben pulled them away for just a second to look and a smile came upon his face. “I told you, ‘Lex, I was gonna have a little boy! I was right!” he squeaks, holding his little boy close again. “Welcome to the world, William, your Pa has got you.”

Caleb hugged the other close and ruffled his hair to be a pain, as usual. “William, Like your brother?”

“Of course, William Nathan Tallmadge will be his full name.”

“Nathan and William will be honored to look down upon a boy carrying their legacy- though you’re not giving him Benedict’s last name?” 

“No. The man never wrote to me or visited me once- he deserves nothing with this sweet little boy if he didn’t care about us in the first place!”

“Thank God! Do you know how long we’ve been waiting for you to grasp that?” Alexander asked, coming around to get the baby to clean him up. 

“I understood it about last month- that’s when I picked out the names- William Nathan Tallmadge for a boy and Susannah Elizabeth Tallmadge for a girl.” Ben reluctantly handed off william to get him cleaned up but he watched Alexander like a hawk to make sure nothing happens to him- that boy wasn’t going to leave his sight without him strangling whoever took him. 

Alex was delicate with William, making sure Ben saw everything he was doing. He tied up the umbilical cord before washing the newborn in warm water, then he wrapped Wiliam up nice and tightly, holding him for a minute cooing and playing with him before passing him back off to his true father. Ben happily welcomed William back into his arms, kissing his head softly before holding him close again.

“Holy fuck… He’s finally here,” Ben sighed, crying tears of joy, “When do you think I can return to work?”

“Never gonna take a break are ya, Tallboy?” Caleb asked, a bit of concern in his tone. 

“I’d say two to three weeks? I’ll talk to the General of your return and get you situated so you can have William with you as much as possible- I’ll get nurse Bethany to assist you as well, I'm certain she’ll enjoy getting to be with William instead of those privates all day.” Alex hummed, getting a cloth to wrap up the placenta and dispose of it. 

“He’ll start getting fussy soon, and when he does it’s more than likely because he’s hungry. I’ll guide you through feeding him until you get the hang of it, okay?” John hummed, grabbing a rag to clean Ben up. 

“For now, I think he’s asleep- but I don’t know how long that’ll last so I believe I’ll take a page from his Uncle Caleb’s book.”

“Oh? You’re gonna give him Madeira? That’s what I’d do.”

“No! Sing to him you ain in the ass!” Ben laughed, leaning back a little more into Caleb before he took a deep breath. “You know,” he said softly to William, “This is a song I sung for your Papa Nathan when we were young:

Beside a green mountain  
Where silver streams run.  
There dwells a fair laddie  
Who has my heart won.  
His eyes are as bright as  
The May morning Sun.  
My Sweet Little Boy  
From Coventry...

His heart is good-natured  
As pure as the dew.  
The green mossy banks  
Where oft' I did woo.  
The heart of my darling  
And I kissed his lips too.  
My Sweet Little Boy  
From Coventry...

My love, he has riches  
Both silver and land.  
Sheep, cows and fine horses  
And a snowy white hand.  
And a cot by the hillside  
By fair breezes stand.  
My Sweet Little Boy  
From Coventry...

When my country is free'd  
It is then he'll be mine.  
My heart and my riches  
And all will be thine.  
I'll buy for him jewels  
And diamonds so fine.  
My Sweet Little Boy  
From Coventry...

My country is in bondage  
And I must set it free!  
From the foes that oppressed  
My green isle of the sea.  
Should victory smile  
On a banner to thee.  
I'd fly and live happy  
In Coventry…”

As Benjamin finished William was out and so was Caleb, snoring peacefully behind Benjamin. John clapped silently before he went back to cooking, just like he was before Ben’s water broke- even though that was ten hours ago. “I bet you must be starving,” John chuckled, looking over his shoulder at Ben, “let me make you some tea and toast for your stomach.”

“Really? My God, John, you really are a gift from heaven.” Ben smiled, looking down and admiring little William.

“Ah, no need for such kind words, I just don’t wish for you to starve, my love.”

The rest of the night for Benjamin is spent in bed marveling over his newborn, Caleb is still passed out until John brings over food and then he eats like he hasn’t in two days, John cooks and gets clean linens for Benjamin, Alex helps get Ben walking a little bit again so John can replace the sheets and helps Ben with anything he needs. They all sit on the bed to eat and John helps Ben get used to William latching onto him for the first time to feed and Ben was very confused but found it pretty easy after he got the hang of it.

This was the easy part- in a few weeks Ben would have to return and see Benedict’s face again and boy did he have a few choice words for the man when he got back- but for now he can relax and spend his time with William and the wonderful family he has come to be a part of now.


	6. To Be able to Breathe for the first time

The next few weeks went by fairly quick, though it wasn’t easy to get back to normal. Ben was walking just like he was before in about two days with the help of everyone, and wrote a letter to Washington telling him of an intelligence report and that he was planning on returning in September. It felt good to write such a statement- he’s going back to normalcy, back to the cause he’s dedicated his life to, though now he must dedicated his life to William too- back to his rowdy men, back to Washington. Though having William with him may prove to be more of a struggle than planned. He knows Washington loves children, possibly because he can’t produce his own, but will he allow Ben to keep William? 

Now that Ben’s bump is gone and Washington has confirmed Ben is able to come back he’s deep into overthinking and staring up at the ceiling. Luckily John is loading things into a cart, Alexander is holding William and playing with him, and Caleb is packing everything of Ben’s up.

“Quit starin’ off into space! We’ve gotta pack you up, dreamer boy!” Thank you, Caleb, for trying to bring Ben back to the present. 

“Huh?” 

“I said, come on, we’ve gotta get you packed up so we can all go back.” Caleb picks up an empty chest and places it on the bed, loading all of Ben’s clothes up and throwing him his uniform. “Come on, it’ll be a good sight to see you back in your blue and gold. Your hat is down here too but I’m not throwing that metal and horsehair death trap at you.” 

Ben groaned and sat up, running his hand through his hair to smooth it and get it all back so he could tie it back up. “Someone’s going to have to cut my hair before we go, it’s been growing out for six months and it’s far past what Colonel Sheldon will wish for.” 

Alexander chuckled at the remark, gently spinning around with the little one in his arms. “I can cut it if you’ll hold your little rascal, he’s too cute, I’m likely to steal him when we get back to camp.” In response to Alex’s ‘threat’, Ben kindly flipped him off with a sleepy smile, then motioned for Alex to come over to hand him his child and to direct him to the scissors. Ben got up and sat on the floor so Alexander could sit on the bed, taking this opportunity to let William feed before he had to put his stay on.  
As the two talked and Alex worked on evenly cutting enough hair off, John and Caleb got the cabin cleared out down to the sheets and little trinkets, though they left the cooking utensils and furniture so that if someone else found this place they’d only need linens and food. Everything was packed up in a matter of an hour and all that was left was for Ben to get dressed and mentally ready for their journey. The dressing almost came as a relief. Each day for the past two weeks he’s been working on getting used to wearing his stay again and he’s learned to stuff little cloth pads to prevent any colostrum stains on his work shirt. Alex held William with no qualms, playing with the little one to make him giggle, John behind Alexander, his arms around his waist and his head on his shoulder, occasionally ticking William to hear his giggle as well. 

Ben squeezed back into his uniform, smoothing out the wrinkles as he looked at himself in the mirror. It was certainly a good sight mentally for him, especially after he put his hat on and adjusted the chinstrap. “How do I look?” He smiled, turning around to show himself off to the others. 

“Handsome, but you already know that Tallboy,” Caleb laughed, slapping his friend on the back. 

“Agreed. Though I don’t know why the hell you went to that broken old man instead of me first,” John smirked, doing an overdramatic wink to piss Ben off even more. 

Ben chuckled at John’s dig at Benedict, “I wish I could of but I think your Alexander would have become a feral animal if anyone got in a mile radius of you!” 

“He’s got Betsy now so he’s even more like a feral animal, though it’s Betsy I have to look out for- She’d chop a man’s finger’s off if they got near her Alex, except me, of course.”

“I think she sounds great!” Both Ben and Caleb said this in unison, then began laughing like a pair of twelve-year-old boys.  
“Come on! if you three don’t get out of here I’m not leaving and Washington would have all three of our heads on a plate!” Ben sighed, though there’s still a smirk on his face. 

-

The ride to Litchfield was one full of singing, telling old stories, and hope. Now what Benjamin wasn’t aware of is once they met back up with Washington is that they were bound for a military base called to West Point. 

On that ride back Benjamin had too much time to think about the past, the past seven months, the present, and now the future. As the other three sang and laughed, Benjamin took time to reflect on how the hell he ended up in this situation in the first place

-

It seemed like forever ago, the first time he and Arnold met. 

The night was brisk and the men were all excited. A ball for the officers was to be held after the Oath of Allegiance ceremony was conducted, and the newly arrived General was to be the guest of honor. Benjamin and his unit had prepared a song as a part of the celebratory night, a shanty called “William Taylor”. It was a story of two lovers, William Taylor and Sarah Grey. William leaves Sarah at the altar to join the navy and find another woman, but Sarah is determined and disguises herself as a man to join the same ship William was once on. The Sergeant-Major found out she was a woman and was confused about why she was in the navy and she replies: "I've come in search of my true lover, Who has proved to be severe". Unfortunately for Sarah, the Sergeant-Major tells her that William has left the navy and recently taken a young and rich wife… but then tells her where she can find the newlyweds. She follows her Sergeant-Major’s directions and rides to the park where William and his new wife walk in the mornings, called for a pistol, and shot both William Taylor and his new wife. Once a Captain found out what Sarah did, she was granted command of his ships and of his men.

The 2nd light dragoon unit was having too much fun with this performance, and pulled others into it for music and backup. Benjamin was Sarah Grey, Colonel Sheldon was the Sergeant-Major, they got General Washington to be the Captain, and somehow they pulled Arnold into being William Taylor. The men were all laughing and having a good time, they even got a smile out of Washington because his soon to be head of intelligence was fake swooning and dancing his heart out. They did a few more songs like “Step it up Mary”, where poor Benjamin was dancing again as Mary and Colonel Sheldon was his father, trying to marry him off to General Knox, and “In The Days Of My Youth” as a softer tone to end their little performance. 

After was dancing, socializing, and drinking. Luckily the musicians weren’t too tired from the 2nd light dragoon unit’s fanfare and they happily played minuets, ballads, and upbeat songs for all levels of skills in dancers. 

Benjamin happily danced some more, even if it meant he was teased by Sheldon at any chance he could get. At one point Arnold got up from talking with General Von Steuben and joined in the dancing, causing everyone to be a bit shocked. Even the musicians played a slower piece to accommodate the general’s injuries. When everyone was pairing up Arnold went to Benjamin, causing the 2nd light dragoon unit to all snicker and wink teasingly at Benjamin. He scoffed and played it off, taking the General’s hand and letting him lead him through the dance. 

This was the favorite song of the night for Benjamin, probably because he got to spin and Arnold kept complimenting him. He didn’t even mind the fact that he wasn’t the leading partner because he was kept on his toes with witty conversations and far too sweet remarks for a man to normally say to another. As the dance ended each pair bowed to each other and a few left the floor to grab a drink or talk with any of the few ladies they could find. Benjamin was going to stay and dance more but Arnold invited him to sit down with him and have a drink, half to rest his leg and the other half to get the younger man to rest. Benjamin accepted his offer and they sat with other Generals, all of them complementing the Major’s previous performance and General Knox evn made note ‘It takes a special person to get Arnold on his feet’. The Major was eating up all of the praise, his head probably growing from it and making him even more cocky. 

After a few rounds of Madeira he started to talk more, which would have been a mistake if he was in a crowd of serious men, because he started telling stories of reconnaissance missions and (lovingly) making fun of his unit. The men all laughed and asked for more, but one by one they all started to leave to go back to their quarters. All that was left by 10 was Benjamin and Arnold out of their group, and luckily they both were both only lightly intoxicated because if not they would have passed out in that ballroom together. After they had one last glass of madeira Arnold invited Benjamin back to his tent and the poor man got more flustered than he had been all night- though when asked by the other man he said it was just the alcohol. Benjamin, yet again having no self preservation skills, agreed to adjourn with the General back to his quarters. 

The two talked for hours, though Benjamin never once remembered when he met the older man when he was still a boy in New Haven. As a young scholar at Yale he saw how ‘knavish’ Arnold was and avoided his Apothecary shop when possible. Yet years later when the same man, unchanged by time, talked of liberty and revolution, Benjamin saw past all of his old ways. He began to take a liking towards the General and the same sentiment was held on the other end. 

After the dance and that night the pair spent more time together and it was just as it seems. No lies. No schemes. No threat of a child because, at this time, it was a simple friendship. Though in the coming weeks it progressed beyond a friendship but nothing drastic… and Arnold still didn’t know everything about the other. 

In another night full of drinking, yet this time just in Arnold’s tent (because Arnold’s leg had been acting up), Benjamin let more slip than he should have. After being well into his cup he began talking about how his stay had been laced up too tight that morning and that he couldn’t wait to get back to his tent to take it off. Naturally, since Arnold had a wife before, he’s well acquainted with stays, but hearing Benjamin say such a thing was confusing to him. By the time Arnold opened his mouth to question Benjamin’s statement, Benjamin had realized his words and all the color drained from his face. Normally he stayed away from gaining the trust of someone because he would end up getting too comfortable and if one thing slipped he could be turned in, and that’s exactly what he thought would happen. Luckily Arnold had no wish to kick benjamin out of the army at the time, and held onto his secret. Even now, he still wouldn’t wish to ruin Ben’s life like that… as ironic as it is. 

That night progressed past Benjamin outing himself when Arnold agreed to help him get out of his far too tight stays. If Benjamin was sober he would have been more cautious, but seeing as he already has little skill when it comes to trusting in this area, he let himself have a bit of vulnerability. It was already a hot June night and once the stay was off it meant cooler air was on his skin, which was a blessing. He was quick to readjust his workshirt back on and even quicker to begin explaining himself; yet Arnold stopped the other’s rambling with these straightforward questions:

“Will you sit down and take some deep breaths?”  
Which Benjamin did.

And 

“Do you still wish to be called Benjamin?”  
A relieved nod was given. Now Benjamin could actually /breathe/. Freely, unrestrained by his own fear and by that stay, a reminder of the fact that he wasn’t free from his own body; But the other had made it clear that stay or no stay, that didn’t matter to him. He was still the same Major Benjamin Tallmadge as before.

And maybe that’s the real reason why he made the mistake of falling for Arnold in the first place.


	7. A welcome return

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter, and the rest of the chapters, will a lot shorter than these others because I'm starting to format it in shorter chapters for clarity!

His dwelling in the past was interrupted when the four of them got to Oliver Wolcott’s house, where Washington and a few of his aides were staying for a few days, they didn’t expect to be welcomed as calmly as they were. Meade and Tighlman embraced the three and had no questions about the child, only friendly, father-like attitudes to the little one. Ben suspects the Aides know the real reason he was gone and then returned with a two-month-old, but there was no way he was going to ask, not yet. The next person he saw was the host, greeting them all happily and telling them that they would all share a room on the second floor. 

Then came Washington, and Ben almost ran out the door in fear of saying the wrong thing and getting himself killed. John put a hand on his lower back to soothe him upon seeing his distress. 

“Ah! Our intelligence major returns!” Washington hums happily upon seeing Benjamin’s face, “You look better than when you left, that’s for certain.” A rare joke from the commander in chief! It was done with a smile so the men all laughed- and then so did William, a little giggle coming from the infant. “And just who is this?” Washington asks, walking around to see the child.

Ben sucks in a deep breath and John rubs little circles on the other’s back to keep him in place and comfort him. “Sir- I- I found-” Ben’s panicking as he suspected, but he tries to collect his thoughts and takes a deep breath, “Sir I found him on my doorstep two months ago, fresh as he could be, with a bottle of milk and twenty pounds. I don’t know why they chose me but the poor baby was crying up a storm and I took him inside and fed him, then he became as happy as he could be. He giggles a lot if you play with him too. I couldn’t let him go without someone to look after- I’ve been managing and John and Alexander certainly are good with him too.” 

Washington looked amazed the whole time Ben talked, mostly confused about why he was talking at the speed of light. Washington calmly stepped over and placed his hand on William’s head, smiling at him because let's face it, who doesn’t love a newborn? “What’s his name?”

“What…?” Now Ben may have graduated from Yale but that doesn’t mean he was the smartest all the time. 

“What’s his name, Major? We need something to call him by.”

“Oh! Oh, his name is William, William Nathan Tallmadge.”

“William after your brother and Nathan after-”

Ben cut him off, not wishing to hear Nathan’s full name, not seeing as today, September 22nd is the fourth anniversary of Hale’s death. “Yes, sir.” 

“You can keep him on one condition-”

The whole room breathed a sigh of relief at hearing Ben could keep William, Ben’s now smiling and holding William a little closer. 

“-I get at least one hour with him a day. It’ll give both of us a break, Major.” Washington smiled. 

“Why don’t we all go to the parlor and have a drink in honor of Major Tallmadge?” Oliver Wilcott exclaims and leads the Aides off into the parlor, leaving Washington and Benjamin behind. 

“May I hold him?” Washington asks, holding out his arms to hold the little one. Ben just nods and passes his son over, watching closely as the General sways slightly and bounces to watch William’s face light up. “It’s a shame he has no mother, but at least he has many fathers and a pretty great grandfather now,” He smirks, tickling William under his arms. 

“G-... Grandfather?” Ben cocks his head, looking up at the other curiously. 

“If I don’t have children of my own, then I’d call the Aides and you, my sons, so that makes me William’s grandfather,” Washington hums, his face lighting up at the sound of William’s giggle. 

“That would be an honor, sir! although I do have to say with your Aides being your sons, I think that would be quite odd in some cases,” Ben chuckled. 

“I agree, trust me, the Baron sometimes is too much of an open book about two of them sometimes,” Washington chuckles. “Though before we go back I need to ask a favor of you.”

“What is it, sir?”

“I remember before you left, you and General Arnold were quite close, no? We’re on our way to speak with senior French Commanders and along the way is West Point, where he’s currently stationed. I was wondering if you’d like to travel out with me tonight? I know you’ve been riding all day but I think it would be a good surprise to one, Tell him he’s going to be put back on the field, and two, to see a man we’ve all missed- plus a little one!” Washington doesn’t understand the full reason why Benjamin left in the first place, let alone that Arnold had a part in it.

Benjamin almost flinches at the mention of Arnold, taking a deep breath to stop himself from screaming or crying. “The last time I talked to him was the night I left the encampment in December, And throughout the time I was gone Brewster delivered messages from me to him, yet he only sent one thing and it… Nevermind,” He sighs, though it’s obvious in his eyes that are looking to the floor now, that he’s upset at this; especially seeing as he was reminded of the damn pennyroyal. “But I don’t mind joining you. I do have some things I need to clear up with him.” 

“Perfect! After dinner, you, William, and I shall leave. It’s a little less than a day’s ride. I’m expected, so you needn’t worry about anyone asking questions.” Washington played with William for a few more minutes but then gave him back Benjamin, noticing the sigh of relief when Ben got the little one back. “Come, it’s a shame if they’re toasting in your honor and you’re not there!”


	8. Old faces meet new faces, and old blades meet old foes

At dusk, they set out with yells of “We miss you already!”, “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!”, “Remember to brush up on your french!”, and “Good luck!” from the Aides and Mr. Wilcott. William babbled nonsense in response which made both Ben and Washington laugh. With that, they set off, hopeful for the journey and the days to come.

-

They arrived on the 24th around dawn, the sentries almost passed out when they saw Washington out of shock and the fact they were half-dressed since they had just awoken. It perturbed Washington but Ben couldn’t care less. The sentry gave Ben a confused look but he paid the young man no mind, taking a deep breath before entering the camp with Washington to his left. 

West Point was a bustling place with soldiers all about, many currently drilling or eating to break their evening fast. As Washington and Benjamin went by the men they all saluted, making Benjamin feel important even though it wasn’t for him. One older sergeant guided their horses to the stable near the Beverly house, helping them dismount and carry their things. 

Once inside he starts to look around, finding a nicely furnished room which looked to be the room of the man he was looking for, so he sat down on the bed, playing with William a bit so he wouldn't cry. Washington had gone to find Arnold so Benjamin wasn’t to be found unless a servant or Arnold came into his room.

It only took about forty-five minutes until the door opened. Ben was on the floor on his stomach as he watched William crawling when he heard someone walk in. 

“Who- My God…” 

It was Arnold, coming back to have a moment to himself. He wasn’t too happy about the fact that Washington was here, and seeing Benjamin /with/ the child was more of a shock than anything. Had Benjamin not made the pennyroyal tea? How the hell is he and the child alive? His plan didn’t work one damn bit at all. What was he going to tell Peggy? He sure as hell wasn’t going to tell her that his plan to get rid of the head of intelligence not only failed but now there’s even a child on the scene. It was all ruined! And that pennyroyal was expensive as hell! All that money for a plan that backfired!

“Benja- Major Tallmadge? What are you doing here?” Arnold asks, his tone full of confusion and the slightest bit of bitterness. 

“Ah, yes, that’s me! I'm glad your eyes still work, " he jeered, looking up at the other. He pulls William close protectively, still iffy on if he should trust Benedict after the pennyroyal incident and the fact that Arnold didn’t visit him while he was away.

“How… How are you? And the child?” /How are you and the child alive and here, of all places?/

“We’re well- he’s always hungry and always sleeping. He’s really curious, just like I was,” Ben smiles, only looking at the child, not Benedict. "It would have been nice to have you around. I may be disappointed but I did miss your arms and I wish you could have been there when little William grabbed my finger for the first time." Benjamin spared the other no quarter already, yet he still has a soft spot. 

Taken aback by this statement, Arnold closes the door and limps over to his bed, sitting down to get relief from his leg and to get closer to the child. “I know, but my leg and the fact I was transferred here- I couldn’t catch a break.”

“You could have /made/ time. I was out there for nine damn months.”

As Benedict had closed the door a few moments before, there was another person who was supposed to talk with Arnold after their meeting. General Washington. He walked down the hallway and was about to knock on the door when he heard Tallmadge’s angered tone. Knowing in advance that his intelligence Major wished to have a word with the General, he just waited, and listened, trying to figure out what had caused the boy to be so upset. 

“If Hamilton and Laurens, two members of Washington's staff, could visit me almost once a week, what’s to say you couldn’t have at least visited me once?” Ben has gotten up now, holding William close to his chest as he sways to make sure William stays calm. 

“I know, I know, but as I said, I had a lot going on.” /I didn’t want you to live through this./

“He’s your son too, Benedict! You can avoid me all you want- hell it seems you tried to kill us too- but you cannot run from your kin!” Benjamin yells, if he didn’t have a child in his arms, his favorite knife would be drawn and near Arnold’s throat yet again. 

In hearing through the crack of the door, Washington gets more of a shock than he bargained for. It starts to make sense after a few moments of thinking. Benjamin truly was the perfect candidate to be in charge of wrangling spies because he’d been keeping a substantial secret from everyone. Even his spies aren’t who they say they are. On top of all that, he was right in the inference of Arnold and Tallmadge being close- yet they were much closer than he expected. It all made sense now why Tallmadge was gone for so long, came back with a newborn, and why Tallmadge looked bitter at the mention of seeing Arnold. The commander took a deep breath and walked away, thinking of this precarious situation and not military strategy. 

Arnold’s reaction to Benjamin yelling was an exaggerated sigh, looking at the other with contempt. “Do you want someone to hear you and take you away? I’d prefer if that didn’t happen.” A liar, yet again. “Please, Benjamin, let me hold him?”

“Why should I? It seems as if you couldn’t care less… though he does have your eyes you know? Though I don't know where he gets the blond hair from," he takes a deep breath then kisses his little one's head. Benedict if you want the baby you have to prove you at least sort of care about Benjamin. 

Benedict’s expression softens a little when his eyes are mentioned. “May I see him?” His tone is quiet, trying to pull Benjamin into handing over the child.

It wouldn’t be too inaccurate in saying Benjamin just handed William over when Benedict’s expression changed- it seemed more genuine and an old part of himself remembers when that same look would calm himself down after a long day- though he did wait a few seconds while pondering on if it was a good idea or not. In the end, he decided that showing William his other father was more important than common sense. When Benedict held William a little smile came upon his lips, but his thoughts were far from his outward expressions. 

The man went through a series of scenarios in his head- all of them resulting in the child and Benjamin being dead by the end of it. As he went through a premeditated list as William looked up at him, giving him a big smile (with a sinister motive behind his facade). At this gesture, William began sobbing and squirming, trying to get back to the father that can soothe him. Whether it was the fact that Arnold is new or the smile was scary, William just didn’t like the fact that he was being held in this new situation. 

At the sound of his son crying Benjamin’s eyes go wide and he runs over, taking William away faster than Benedict can hand him over. “Shhh, shhh, Your father means no harm, my boy” he cooes, bouncing William to see if it would soothe his woes. “You just are new, I suppose. The only new person he’s seemed to like is General Washington who insists upon William being his grandson.”

Arnold’s brow raises at that remark, a guffaw coming out of him. “What an odd thing. Who knows if he’ll ever be old enough to call him ‘Grandfather’ though?” 

The shock on Benjamin’s face at Arnold’s laugh and the remark is far too expressive. He backs up away from Benedict and clutches William close. “Was that your plan with the pennyroyal? To make sure he and I didn’t make it out of the woods? And now that he’s here you intend on going through with that ungodly plan?” As Benjamin talks, his voice grows louder and tears well in his eyes, a hand reaching for his knife again to protect William and himself. 

Benedict’s face drains of color at Benjamin’s rightful accusations. He knows Benjamin can piece little things together easily because of his work, but around himself, Benjamin was normally more relaxed. How did he know that it was pennyroyal and not spearmint? “I thought I sent you spearmint, not pennyroyal?” He asks, trying to pull it off as a simple mistake. “It smelled and looked a good bit like spearmint and I always carried it in my old shop.”

As if the timing couldn’t be worse, William begins to cry again, causing Benjamin to not only roll his eyes at Benedict’s statement but at the fact that it was far past the last time William was fed was almost equally as bad. William was clutching onto the facings of his father’s jacket, futilely trying to get milk from one of the buttons.  
Walking over to the bed without putting his knife away, Benjamin sat down on the other side of Benedict’s bed, facing the window so he could look out upon the river as he began to disrobe. He only talked to William, ignoring Arnold altogether as he unlaced his stay and picked up William so he could feed, wincing at the initial pain of his little one latching on. Finally, he has enough thoughts in his head to speak his mind. 

“So you carried pennyroyal in your shop without knowing what it is?” He asked, not turning around for he didn’t wish to look the other in the eye.

“I carried spearmint, Ben, but since I haven’t brushed up on botany I must have picked the wrong thing. And you know infant mortality is common, even though you must be a wonderful father, there are things we still don’t understand and babies die so easily. I saw countless mothers bring their newborns up to four-year-olds to talk to Margaret and she couldn’t do anything to help save them. No one could. It wasn’t the parent's fault that any of this happened, but God decided to take another angel in.”  
For once, Arnold isn’t lying in his anecdote at the end, but the rest was all to cover himself. A part of him even felt remorse for the pennyroyal, after all, it is a sin to murder and he wouldn’t have just been killing Benjamin, but sweet little William as well. Yet he had no choice. To keep his and Peggy’s plan alive for a man whom she has only named once, Benjamin must be dead. 

Ben didn’t say a word, and he didn’t turn around. It was like walking on eggshells with the other at the moment and he didn’t wish to make this any worse. Benedict always had some story and now those stories that once calmed and entertained Benjamin, made him feel even more melancholic than he already does. 

There’s a look on Benjamin’s face, one that was bleak, cold, unforgiving, and without color to his normally rosy cheeks. He breaks the silence with: “God has put me through enough trials as is, if He takes away William I will be seeing him shortly after.” A grim statement meant to be a warning, but Benedict almost saw it as the beginning of an idea. 

“No one will take William away from you here, he’s ours.” Arnold hummed, turning to look at Benjamin. There was still something there in Benedict for the younger man- he couldn’t berid himself of them no matter how hard he tried. Seeing him there with William made him want to go back to his original cause. He hadn’t seen Benjamin’s adoring smile that he once tried tirelessly to get the rare chance to see it. He hadn’t seen him sing like he used to with his unit when his face would light up- he hadn’t seen the Benjamin he once loved since he agreed to a plot to kick him out of the army. Karma is what he believes it is, but maybe for the next few hours, he can have a glimpse of what life could have been like if they both wanted this. 

As William finished up feeding there was a knock on the door, prompting Arnold to get up and limp over to the door and step outside so no one would see Benjamin and William. It was Washington, his face still pale and clammy from processing what he heard at the door not too long ago.  
“Dinner is being put out. The rest of the men are requesting for your presence and I can’t seem to find Major Tallmadge.” He states, trying to make it seem as if he knows nothing. 

Arnold nods in acknowledgment to the Commander’s statement, not knowing Washington heard everything go down. “He must be back in the stable, talking to his horse and grooming it, or talking with men around camp. If I was ever to find him those would be those places.” 

Washington nods, walking off as Arnold opened the door carefully to walk back in. Breathing a sigh of relief as he closed the door behind him, Benedict walked up to Ben. He sits down beside William who has been placed on the bed so Benjamin can get dressed and he begins to play with his son, watching the baby smile for the first time for him. William even began to laugh at Benedict’s silly faces and Benjamin couldn’t resist a little smile. “Come on, Washington is expecting us three for dinner,” Benedict hums, picking up their happy newborn and placing a little kiss between Benjamin’s brows. “I’m sorry I never came to see the two most adorable people on this continent, but while you’re here, you are more than welcome to stay with me, here in Robinson house.”

Ben nods, getting up once fully dressed to follow Benedict into the dining room. Right before Benedict opened the door, Benjamin took William back, saying it would be suspicious if Benedict was holding him and that he would go downstairs, out the backdoor, and through the front door and say he went for a walk. Benedict agreed and Ben leaned up after a moment of deliberation and gave the other kiss- something he hasn’t done in a while. Benedict accepted it and gave one back, shorter, but still something.

“Come, William may have eaten but you haven’t, and you’ll need all the strength that you can get as he gets older.” A friendly reminder that Benedict has raised three kids and knows what he’s talking about.  
The younger man nodded at this and opened the door for Benedict, waiting a few seconds before coming out and going the back way to make his fake arrival.


End file.
